By Chris Wright
At the interval during Southampton’s 1-1 draw with Norwich on Wednesday eve, club mascot Sammy Saint earned his corn with a rigorously choreographed ‘Gangnam Style’ routine – not easy in a giant dog suit…
Go Sammy!
(Video: Official Saints)
By Chris Wright
Bradford City’s “City Gent” mascot, as seen in 2001 and 2013
Having fulfilled the role for the last 19 years, the man who served as Bradford City’s “City Gent” mascot has spoken of his heartbreak after being forced into hanging up his bowler hat, brolly and briefcase after the club deemed him to not be “portly” enough for the job anymore.
Lifelong Bantams fan Lenny Berry has portrayed City Gent at Bradford games since 1994 after being spotted working in the player’s bar at Valley Parade by former chairman Geoffrey Richmond and being deemed the perfect stature.
However, over the past few years Berry has dropped seven stones in weight after being diagnosed with diabetes, and now the club have informed his that “his appearance no longer matches the original concept”. The Bantams did offer Lenny, 59, the option of donning a padded “sumo” suit under his kit to keep up the illusion of flab, but he politely declined.
He told the Telegraph and Argus:
“I’m am absolutely gutted. I am a grown man and this is something I have cried over. I’ve been through the fire. I’ve been through everything down there.
“I don’t want the club getting hurt, I love the club. If you cut me open I’d be claret and amber. It’s not the team and it’s not the club, but I am disappointed with the way it’s been dealt with.
“In a meeting I asked why it wasn’t brought up six years ago when I first lost the weight. They said they knew about my health issues.
“Obviously I’ve lost a lot of weight. I used to be 17 and a half stones, whereas I’m now around ten and a half. I lost it in about 18 months after I found out I had diabetes.
“I used to have supporters chant things at me, like ‘who ate all the pies’. I used to get them going and then grab my belly. I play the part of the mascot though, through my face and my eyes. I’ve always had a good rapport with fans”
Bradford director Roger Owen said the issue had been discussed at a board meeting just after the end of last season, and that he felt the club had given Lenny a perfectly adequate compromise:
“In the case of The City Gent, the main issue was his physical appearance, which was much changed from the original concept of the then-chairman, the late Stafford Heginbotham, who styled the City Gent on himself.
“It was…agreed that Lenny be formally contacted, by letter, to put our various points to him and to suggest that the club obtain a Sumo-type suit with character head piece to represent the Gent.
“The Football League had told us at the time of the League Two Play-Off final that only animal or human mascots were now appropriate if they wore an anonymous headset.
“Lenny was given a deadline to respond, which was extended and then not complied with by our meeting on Friday…Lenny advised me that he would cease his role as City Gent with immediate effect.
Judging by the reaction Lenny’s redundancy has stirred up on Facebook, etc, it seems that he’ll be sorely missed – especially by the kiddiwinks – at Valley Parade. It seems he’d become, in the best possible sense, part of the furniture there.
Still, a concept is a concept. Word on the wire is that John Goodman has already been approached to take on the role.
By Chris Wright
Scandal mired Burnley’s 2-0 victory over QPR on Saturday when the Clarets’ club mascot, Bertie Bee, had to be escorted from the pitch by security staff during the second half after offering the linesman a pair of glasses.
(QPR midfielder Joey Barton was also pelted on the head with a half-full bottle of Coke during the game, but we don’t need to dwell on that.)
Bertie’s gesture was taken as a hostile suggestion that the assistant many need eyesight assistance in order for him to better officiate games and the anthropomorphic bumblebee was duly and quite rightly sent off by referee Simon Hooper before being escorted down the tunnel and slung in a holding pen deep within the bowels of Turf Moor – a punishment truly befitting the crime…
Apparently he’s got to stay in there until he learns to “beehive” properly. Huh, geddit? “Beehive”?
Aaaanyway, it’s not like Bertie doesn’t have previous either, this of course being the very same mascot that tip-tackled a naked pitch invader during a game against Preston North End back in 2002…
We need to get this kind of scum off our touchlines. Won’t somebody please think of the children??!?
(Via Anorak)
By Chris Wright
San Lorenzo captain Pablo Alvarado picked up what must surely be the earliest yellow card ever to be shown on Sunday afternoon when he was booked by the referee several minutes before kick-off against Boca Juniors for time-wasting.
Not just any old common-or-garden time-wasting though, oh no, but time-wasting as a result of choosing to walk his dog out onto the pitch just as the two teams were gearing up to get things under way.
Apparently, Alvarado felt that San Lorenzo needed a club mascot and that his dog was the perfect candidate. The referee, however, disagreed and showed the 27-year-old skipper his first and thankfully only yellow card of the afternoon as San Lorenzo went on to win the game 1-0.
By Chris Wright
Here’s something that always tickles us, though we know it probably shouldn’t. What better way to pay your solemn respects to whom or whatever than by doing it from inside a giant foam-rubber fish costume?
Sometimes life, especially when at its most sombre, can be brilliantly absurd…
We ask you, is there a more fitting way to commemorate Armistice Day than by inviting a six-and-a-half-foot devil onto the pitch?
By Chris Wright
Hoff with his head!
Short and sweet: Here’s Hoffenheim mascot, Hoffi the Moose, charging down the touchline to celebrate a goal during his club’s rampaging 6-2 victory over Wolfsburg at the weekend, legging himself up on a low-lying advertising board, coming a cropper and, just to grind a handful of coarse sea salt into the wound, quite literally losing his head in the process…
Nothing gets a crown going like a decapitated moose!
(Photo: Getty)
By Chris Wright
This one does exactly what is says on the tin, so without further ado, let’s get stuck in, shall we?
The official 1966 World Cup mascot, World Cup Willie (as portrayed by a Mr George Claydon), seen here posing outside the FA headquarters in London
Bulgarian goalkeeper George Naidenov proudly shows off his side’s unofficial 1966 World Cup mascot, a wooden toucan
A Sheffield Wednesday employee sticks up a poster advertising the various World Cup games to be played at Hillsborough
World Cup Willie helps Germany striker Uwe Seeler hand out chocolate bars at an orphanage in Derbyshire, 1966
Final design for the official 1970 Mexico World Cup mascot, Juanito
The official mascots for the 1974 World Cup, Tip and Tap, prepare to kick off on the centre spot at Munich’s Olympiastadion
Tip and Tap, in poster form
Gauchito, the official mascot for the 1978 World Cup in Argentina – a small boy in traditional Argentine gaucho hat and neckerchief, and holding a horse whip
England’s World Cup mascot for Spain ’82 – Bulldog Bobby
Bulldog Bobby, in his less flattering foam rubber form
While Naranjito (below) later became the official mascot of Spain ’82, FIFA used the altogether more generic ‘Sport Billy’ on their posters in the build-up to the tournament
Naranjito: Great mascot, crap suit
Sandy, the mascot who accompanied Scotland on their travels to the Spanish World Cup in 1982
The Northern Ireland World Cup mascot for Spain ’82 – Yer Man
Pique the Jalapeno, the official sombrero and moustachio-totin’ mascot for Mexico ’86
Mexican fans make their way to a game while wearing official Pique masks
Ciao, the official match-stick mascot for Italia ’90 who just so happened to provided the inspiration for one of the worst cars ever produced – The Italia ’90 Fiat Panda
Diego Maradona, looking ever so slightly bemused/ephedrine-addled while posing with Ciao
This gormless looking thing is “Striker the World Cup Pup” – official mascot of USA ’94
Footix, giant cock and official mascot of France ’98
Like something you’d get in a happy meal, here is the instantly forgettable Japan/South Korea 2002 mascot trio of Ato, Kaz and Nik – otherwise known as “The Spheriks”.
The frankly rather terrifying Goleo VI (not sure what happened to the previous five) and his equally unsettling little buddy Pille (inset), mascots for the 2006 World Cup in Germany.
Zakumi, cheetah-giraffe-leopardy type thing and official mascot of South Africa 2010
Fuleco, Brazil 2014’s official World Cup mascot, is a Brazilian three-banded armadillo whose name is a portmanteau of “Futbol” and “Ecologia”
Is it just us getting older, or did those World Cup mascots get less and less charming as we scrolled down?
(Photos: PA)
By Chris Wright
Torquay United have been forced into giving their club mascot, Gilbert the Gull, an official warning over his conduct after he found himself embroiled in conduct “not befitting a friendly Gull”.
United’s mascot reportedly let several choice expletives fly in an argument with several fans during Torquay’s defeat against Grimsby at Plainmoor on Saturday.
Gilbert has since been reminded by club officials that ‘he should be seen and not heard’ following an investigation into the incident by Torquay chief executive Andrew Candy.
Candy told the Torquay Herald Express:
“There was an exchange of views between Gilbert and the fans in the Popside (stand).
“Gilbert was trying to generate some support and get the fans behind the team but it appears that there was a small altercation with the fans.
“There was no malicious intent in what was said but things were said that, in hindsight, should not have been.
“Gilbert has been spoken to and been told that this should not have happened and that this will not happen in the future.”
According to posts on a United fans’ forum, the slanging match began toward the end of the game when Gilbert, who is supposed to stay stationed in front of the Family Stand, attempted to rally fans in the Popside with the home side 2-3 down.
If you’ll excuse the miserable pun, it was at that point that feathers started flying.
“Gilbert has been made aware that he shouldn’t allow his enthusiasm to take wing and fly over to the Popside,” Candy added.
“It was near the end of a game that we were losing and emotions were running high.
“Now that everything has calmed down, Gilbert will now be back where he should be and that is keeping the younger fans entertained.”
(Via Torquay Herald Express)
By Chris Wright
We appreciate that we’re probably appealing to a very niche demographic here, but fans of football-mascot-shaped baked goods – this one’s for you!
With Burnley midfielder Scott Arfield showing up to open a new store on the town’s Prestige retail park this morning, the good fellows at Oak Furniture Land had a Clarets-themed cake baked especially for the momentous occasion…
We’re at @OFLoakfurniture this morning for @scottyarf opening their new SofaStore. #BFC pic.twitter.com/mXStuyvBM9
— Burnley FC (@BurnleyOfficial) November 14, 2014
It doesn’t take much to impress us, but there’s some serious man-hours gone into making that thing – a fitting addition to the great pantheon of football cakes…
Infamous if mascot circles, Bertie, of course, has something of a chequered past – even once doing a stint behind bars for the viciously offering his glasses to a linesman during a Burnley game…
For shame Bertie, for shame.
By Chris Wright
He doesn’t have a name as yet, but this little fella is the new mascot for the Euro 2016 tournament in France.
Yes, he has a cape. Deal with it.
According to the Guardian, the new mascot will remain nameless until 30th November (this is despite making him being scheduled to make his first public appearance at the France-Sweden game tonight).
After his grand unveiling a public competition will be open until 26th November to decide on the name which will subsequently be announced at the end of the month.
Naturally enough, that is also when the mascot’s own social media accounts goes live.
The three potential names fans will be able to choose from are Driblou, Goalix or Super Victor.
Here he is in stunning Vine form…
Fine, we guess – but he’s hardly in the league of fellow compatriots Footix and Peno the chicken (France ’98 and Euro ’84 respectively)…
Now those are a pair of cocks you can hang your hat on!
By Chris Wright
As you may remember, UEFA foisted their new, nameless Euro 2016 mascot upon the world a fortnight or so ago, leaving the choosing of his moniker up to fans by way of an online interactive poll – the three choices being Driblou, Goalix or Super Victor.
With voting closing last night, the results have since been totted up by UEFA’s top statisticians and, as such, the Euro 2016 mascot now not only has a cape but an official name as well…
All hail Super Victor! How can we serve thee, oh master?
Indeed, “Super Victor” won with a whopping 51,781 of the record 107,790 votes registered – that’s compared to Driblou’s 26,678 and Goalix’s 29,331.
Here’s a little insight into the labyrinthine back-story behind Super Victor’s name, as per UEFA.com…
“The name Super Victor is based on the idea of victory.”
No. Friggin’. Way.
He’s also made his first appearance in foam-rubber form, appearing on his new Twitter account (@supervictor) to welcome his new followers…
What a time to be alive, eh?
By Chris Wright
@SouthamptonFC Unreal looking girl that sits 4 seats next to me that keeps giving me eyes. Can you tell me who sits in block 24 seat 626?
— Timothy (@_timcorn) December 21, 2014
In a tale to truly warm your cockles on this bleak January morn, one Southampton fan is on the verge of finding true love thanks to an assist from the Saints themselves.
Pesky old Data Protection laws meant that the Saints’ Twitter bods were unable to answer Tim’s request (see above) but, following a series of Tweets, the club have done all they can to help the lovestruck fan make his move at today’s game against Arsenal.
The unfolding love story is all captured in the video below…
Let’s face it, with a bloke in a giant dog suit as your wingman, failure is not really an option.
Good luck Tim!
By Chris Wright
As is par for the course once a year, Mexican side Club Tijuana have unleashed their brand new home kit amid nightmarish scenes thanks solely to their terrifying “hell hound” mascot…
“Kali Ma…KALI MAAAA!!!!!”
Don’t know about you guys, but we’ve always thought sleep was overrated anyway.
On a lighter note, the unveiling bash looked like a rare old hoot!
The new uniform unveiled Wednesday at Caliente Casino. #adidas #GoXolos pic.twitter.com/tnGM62kKPE
— Club Tijuana (@xolosofficial) January 8, 2015
(Photo: @xolosofficial/Twitter/Thanks to Pies fan Boxy Woxy for the nudge)
By Chris Wright
Not content with a place in his own side’s pre-game team photo, “Batu”, the slightly horrifying mascot for the ongoing U-20 South American Championship in Uruguay, also attempted to cunningly sidle his way into Brazil’s official team shot before kick-off.
Sadly, he was spotted at the crucial moment, leading to this magnificent image…
Timeless.
The real question, we guess, is what in the name of holy hell is that thing actually supposed to be?
(Photos: Globo/Via: Dirty Tackle)
By Chris Wright
As you may recall, Cologne striker Anthony Ujah got into a spot of bother over the weekend for man-handling the club’s beloved mascot, Hennes the goat, after scoring against Eintracht Frankfurt on Saturday.
After publicly apologising to his “best friend” for being unduly rough, Ujah then sought to make amends with Hennes in person yesterday – visiting the little chap’s stables to wish him many happy returns on his birthday as well as festooning him with gifts of fresh carrots and the like.
Say what you like about Ujah, but the guy certainly knows the quickest route to a goat’s heart…
(Photos: Anthony Ujah/Facebook)
By Chris Wright
Presenting the official club mascot of Ryman Premier League side Tonbridge Angels FC: The imaginatively named ‘Tonbridge Angel’.
The Angel apparently never goes anywhere without his bodyguard, which appears to be either former West Brom manager Alan Irvine or Father Ted…
Absolutely no expense…well, expended.
What the hell is that thing supposed to be? It looks like an store-soiled Easter egg dressed up in knock-off Pokemon pyjamas.
Definitely one to add to the list of Craptacular Football Mascots, we think.
(Photo via @ThePigeonStands)
By Chris Wright
This post first appeared on Pies a year or two back but we’re having to re-post it in order to restore it to our database after it was mysteriously deleted. Feel free to enjoy the craptitude all over again.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin…
1. Spitfire the Dog, Eastleigh FC
That hat…
(Thanks to @Iwantcurlyhair2 for the nudge)
2. Hammerhead, West Ham
Like Optimus Prime’s cross-eyed little brother…
3. Toby Tyke, Barnsley
This is what happens when you let the Wacaday wardrobe department dress your matchday mascot…
4. ???, Real Valladolid
The ’99 Valladolid side line-up alongside what appears to be a giant gormless carrot…
5. Terry Byte, Fulham
He’s a computer. It’s a clever play on ‘terabyte’ you see…
6. Jünter the Foal, Borussia Mönchengladbach
Fetlocks? More like shitlocks…
7. Darkie, Aston Villa
Harking back to a simpler, more racist time…
8. Slavek and Slavko, Euro 2012
You guys just suck…
9. Lucifer’s rottweiler, Club Tijuana
Terrifying…
10. Bazi, Bayern Munich
Had Enid Blyton been born and raised in Bavaria, Noddy would probably have looked a little like this…
11. Naranjito, 1982 Spanish World Cup
An undoubtedly loveable cool little orange fellow on paper, the whole concept broke down once the human legs were grafted on. The skirt also seems a little unnecessary…
12. Mrs Growler, Huddersfield Town
Rubbish…
13. ???, Barcelona
Giant, one-eyed penis in an inflatable jumpsuit? Perhap, perhap…
14. Millwall Lion, Millwall
My Millwall Lion, what a lovely parasol you have…
15. Erwin, Schalke 04
Raul obviously hates him and that’s good enough for us…
16. Desmond the Dragon, Rochdale
We’ve seen more intimidating dragons in our time…
17. The Pitman, Hednesford Town
Because all miners were blue and had beaks…
18. Benny the Box, Telford United
The budget is obviously a bit tight at Telford….
19. Pilgrim Panther, Boston United
Someone’s been up all night on the Pro Plus and Strepsils…
20. Mr Testicles, Everton
The cause was a noble one (to raise awareness of testicular cancer) but the inescapable truth is that Everton dressed some poor sod up as a giant pair of hairy gonads and had him parade around Goodison…
Bonus entries…
The Tonbridge Angel, Tonbridge Angels FC
Like an five-foot tall Easter egg in cheap knock-off Pokemon pyjamas…
???, Algeciras CF
We’re reliably informed it’s supposed to be a scoreboard…
(Thanks to @estadios_Spain for the spot)
Hjalte the Viking, FC Vestsjælland
Those eyes. They’ve seen some terrible things…
(Thanks to @SkggrOvrAadalen)
This way for more mascot-based shenanigans on Pies.
By Chris Wright
‘Twas Javier Zanetti’s big send off in Milan last night, with a team of the Inter stalwarts’ chums taking on an All-Star XI at the Giuseppe Meazza.
Also present was the downright terrifying ‘Mascotte of Milano Expo 2015’ – a blood-curdling, Triffid-like demon beast made solely from vegetable matter and dark magic…
Kill it. Kill it with a pan of lightly salted water on a rolling boil.
Christ. It’s like a Giuseppe Arcimboldo painting come to life in a hellish scene from the pits of a waking nightmare.
Suggested further reading…
By Chris Wright
You wait ages for a craptastic mascot and then two turn up at once!
Following hot on the lettuce-y heels of Javier Zanetti’s nightmarish vegetable friend comes the cautionary tale of Super Leo, the Austria Vienna lion mascot who took his 42nd birthday celebrations just that little bit too far at the weekend.
Having begun drinking well before kick-off, by the time Austria Vienna’s 2-1 victory over Wiener Neustadt was over, Super Leo was – pardon the pun – absolutely f**king roaring pissed!
Sensing his moment, the sweaty lion removed his head and went charging out from the touchlines, lolloping and yawing as he went before eventually collapsing in a motionless heap in the middle of the pitch.
The club medical staff then gathered and attempted to move Leo, but he was so drunk he didn’t know if it was arsehole or breakfast…
Remember kids: Never drink and mascot. Not even once.
By Chris Wright
What you see above you is FC Cologne’s club crest being projected, approximately 200-feet tall on the Hoover Dam in Arizona.
Why? Well, it’s all part of a scheme devised by German PR agency Oliver Schrott Kommunikation (OSK), who decided that splashing Hennes the goat across the dam was the best way of showing off the structure’s brand new and extremely powerful lighting system.
OSK, it should be mentioned, are based in Cologne and as such have an inordinately high number of FC Cologne fans among their workforce.
Under the quite wonderful headline ‘Biggest ever Hennes’, the official Bundesliga website confirmed that the enormous Cologne logo covered an area of 39,000 square metres – a new Guinness World Record.
FC Cologne’s executive director, Alexander Wehrle, told the site:
“The fantastic photos of the FC logo on the Hoover Dam are an honour for us and we’re naturally very pleased.”
“It’s great that FC fans are working on such extravagant projects and ensuring that 1. FC Köln has a presence on one of the most famous structures of mankind.
“That is truly something special.”
Cologne striker Anthony Ujah must be made up to see his good friend Hennes hitting such heights.
(Via Bundesliga/Image: Bundesliga.com)
