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Mascot Mutilation: Queens Park FC Launch Desperate Appeal To Reunite Harry The Hippo With His Stolen Head

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Scottish side Queens Park have posted a desperate plea on Twitter after having their mascot brutally decapitated over the weekend.

The League Two outfit, nicknamed the Spiders, have asked fans to be extra vigilant after Harry the Hippo/Hoopo had his head snatched from the club pavilion at some point.

As confirmed in the missing post, no ransom note has been received as of yet and no motive has been established. A phone line has been set up for anybody with information to call anonymously.

Safe to say, Queens Park just want to reunite Harry with his head…

Good luck to all concerned, especially poor Headless Harry.


Terrifying Partick Thistle Mascot Kingsley Launches Romantic Poetry Competition To Find Valentine’s Date

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Photos: Kingsley the Thistle Mascot/Facebook

Since arriving in Scotland from California last summer, Partick Thistle’s new mascot Kingsley has struggled to make any headway with the ladies – largely due to his thinly-veiled demonic rage.

Now, with Valentine’s Day coming up next weekend, Kingsley has taken positive steps to land himself a date for the big day by launching a poetry competition to find himself a romantic suitor.

Indeed, Partick fans have been invited to submit 250-word odes via the club’s official website for Kingsley to sift through in order to find himself a “Queensley”.

The lucky winner will then spend the day with the sunshine gremlin before the Jags’ game against Aberdeen on 19th February, before holding his hand to lead the teams out at Firhill.

Kingsley had a little heart-to-heart with the official Partick website in which he outlined his plans:

I’ve made lots of friends since I moved here, especially in the team, who are all great guys. But I’ve never had much luck in love as I am quite shy with the ladies.

So I thought I’d take matters into my own hands and look for my very own Queensley to share my first Valentine’s Day in Scotland.

I would love to have somebody come along to the Aberdeen game with me and help cheer the guys on. I can be pretty loud and full of energy, so I need somebody to keep up with me. They don’t even need to be yellow.

But I would like someone creative, with a little romance in their soul. I thought a poem could show that and so whoever sends in the best Valentine’s poem will join me at the game.

How sweet. Even spiky yellow hell-beasts deserve a little bit of happiness.

Plonker: Distraught Arsenal Supporter Picks Fight With West Ham’s Teddy Bear Mascot (Video)

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By Joseph Viney (@jjviney)

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Arsenal fans have a deserved reputation for being just a *little* bit cringey. If they’re not screaming “WENGER OUT!” after not scoring in the first 15 seconds of a game, then the continued presence of Arsenal Fan TV is certain to provide you with enough painfully induced squirms to keep you going for several days.

One of the YouTube channel’s regular contributors – a fan known as Ty – is “well-known” for clashing with other Arsenal fans in what are essentially middle class appropriations of rap battles outside football grounds up and down the country.

Well, our man Ty trumped himself yesterday during Arsenal’s scintillating 3-3 draw with West Ham at the Boleyn Ground on Saturday afternoon after conducting a one-sided argument with a Hammers’ mascot – a person inside a giant teddy bear costume.

As the mascot paraded in front of the away supporters with some light-hearted waves, Ty took the bait and leapt to his feet, asking the cuddly creature “Why don’t you do that when you play Millwall?”, his voice seeming to crack with emotion.

The bear responded by simulating being bent over double and laughing (there’s a sentence you probably didn’t think you’d see on a Monday afternoon…), mirroring scores of other football fans across the country.

Rumours that Wenger is pondering on slapping in a multi-million pound bid for the furry fomenter are as yet unfounded.

Still, they could do a lot worse at the moment…

Stags Do: 30-Year-Old Groom Becomes Mansfield Town Mascot After Being Stitched Up By His Best Man (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @Coral/Twitter

A cursory look at the photo above reveals that one of Mansfield Town’s mascots for their recent game against Notts County ever so slightly stood out from the pack.

That’s because he, the surly chap with his arms folded, was roughly 20 years older than the rest of them.

Thanks to his best man, groom-to-be Paul Gorrie, 30, was stitched up as part of his stag do and duly forced to help lead Mansfield out in front of 6,357 fans at the One Call Stadium on Saturday afternoon.

The Stags went on to win 5-0, so there’s a good chance lucky, lucky Paul might be invited back next week too.

Four-Year-Old Alcorcon Fan Paula Leads Ultras’ Chants With Her Mighty Yellow Megaphone (Video)

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Image: AlfreFutbol/Youtube

Admittedly, we’re about a week off the pace here, but this one’s so gosh-darn adorable that we just couldn’t pass on it.

Back on 17th April, mid-table Alcorcon faced high-flying Leganes in a southern Madrid derby down in the Spanish second tier.

Realising that the players might need an extra boost to overcome their local rivals, Alcorcon hired Paula, a four-year-old fan with a megaphone, to toddle around their stadium before the game and yell inspirational chants at anyone she happened across.

This led to some truly charming scenes, with little Paula happily leading ultras in a rousing chorus of “Alcorcón Alé!” in the terraces before making her way into the dressing rooms to bark at the players directly…

Cute as a button, and the best bit? Alcorcon only went and won 2-0.

All hail the positive power of Paula!

(Via Dirty Tackle)

Leicester City’s Filbert Fox Becomes First Premier League Mascot To Sign An Actual Boot Deal

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Leicester City have announced that their club mascot, Filbert Fox, has signed a boot deal. Yes, you did indeed read that correctly.

The contract was signed at the King Power over the weekend, with Filbert wearing gigantic foam versions of Puma’s newest EvoSpeed boots while he cavorted around the pitch during Leicester’s 4-0 win over Swansea.

According to Leicester’s official website, the deal will see Filbert sporting some of Puma’s latest products over the course of the next two years.

It’s happening, folks. It truly is the end of days.

Man Utd: Jose Mourinho Assures Mascot ‘Fred The Red’ That He Still Has An Important Role At The Club

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A strange, shiny-faced cartoon character accompanies Fred the Red around Old Trafford

It hasn’t taken Jose Mourinho long to start making his mark at Manchester United, with the new boss spending over £60million in his first couple of months to bring in the likes of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Eric Bailly and Henrikh Mkhitaryan.

The immediate upheaval in the wake of Mourinho’s arrival had several long-serving members of the club’s back-room staff fearing for their jobs, not least club mascot ‘Fred the Red’, who for some reason felt his days at Old Trafford may be numbered.

Thankfully, one of Mourinho’s first orders of business was to assure club employee Steve Smith that his long-held position inside the Fred suit would be safe under the new regime – even chucking a new contract into the mix to boot.

“Steve was concerned Jose might have different plans for what he wants the club to do before games,” a United source told The Sun.

“But Jose met him during a meet and greet of workers and told him he was great and he liked what he did to help get the fans in the mood for the game.

“Steve had been worried about his future, but Jose has put his fears at rest.”

Thank heavens for small mercies, eh?

Fred the Red in his current, plastic-faced guise has been in situ at Old Trafford since 1994.

Before that, this odd little ensemble were deployed to roam around the perimeter of the ground to bolster the matchday atmosphere…

It was a simpler time. Some would say a better time.

Swedish Club AIK Have Their Players Led Out By Group Of Elderly Supporters (Video)

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Over in the Swedish top tier, AIK subbed out their usual child mascots for Sunday’s game against Gefle IK and instead had their players accompanied out onto the pitch by a group of the club’s most elderly fans.

The AIK team was led out by 86-year-old former FIFA president Lennart Johansson, with several other of the club’s oldest living members then escorting the players out onto the pitch at the Friends Arena in Stockholm.

The stunt was part of an ongoing fan-led campaign by AIK to reengage with their “lost generation” of senior supporters.

For the record, AIK went on to win the game 1-0 with the deciding goal scored by Eero Markkanen, perhaps fittingly, in the 81st minute.

Lovely.


FIFA Ask Russian Fans To Vote For 2018 World Cup Mascot From Three Equally Uninspiring Options

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Image: @FIFAWorldCup/Twitter

FIFA have opened the online ballot for the 2018 World Cup mascot, with the good people of Russia now able to vote which anthropomorphic animal they want to represent their home tournament.

The field is hardly what you might call diverse, with fans able to vote for, A) a cutesy cartoon tiger, B) a cutesy cartoon cat, or, C) a cutesy cartoon wolf.

Here they be, starting with Tiger, who is “strong and elegant and dreams of being the first footballer in space”…

Cat, on the other hand, has “a natural affinity to balls of all kinds”, which seems like a weird character trait to mention…

As for Wolf – well he can just sod off right now, the conceited, arrogant git…

Basically they’re all a bit naff, but the tiger has a space helmet on so we’re plumping for him.

Man-Eating Fish Takes To Pitch As Half-Time Entertainment At Derby County Takes A Turn For The Weird (Video)

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With the score locked a 0-0 at the break, fans attending Derby’s home game against Blackburn yesterday were snapped out of their torpor by a truly surreal bout of half-time ‘entertainment’.

Indeed, it was at this point that a giant inflatable fish wearing a basketball vest came flailing out onto the pitch and proceeded to eat one of Derby’s goalkeeping coaches, only to barf him back up in a state of undress…

Yep. This is what it’s come to, people.

Apparently this “Mackerel Jordan” character is a staple feature of the NBA, swallowing unsuspecting folks left, right and centre as his reign of open-mawed terror continues unabated.

‘He’s Out Of Order’– Sam Allardyce Left Fuming After Watford Mascot Harry The Hornet Mocks Wilfried Zaha At Vicarage Road

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On his first game back in management, Sam Allardyce saw his Crystal Palace side pick up a point away to Watford. However, the short-lived England boss would leave Vicarage Road rather irked by none other than local mascot Harry The Hornet.

Palace started well and went ahead on 26 minutes, courtesy of a strike from Yohan Cabaye.

The Eagles had a great chance to go two goals ahead when Heurelho Gomes fouled Christian Benteke in the box. However, the Brazilian ‘keeper saved the resulting penalty from Benteke.

Midway through the second-half, Watford had their chance to score from the penalty spot, with Troy Deeney firing home with what was his 100th goal for the club.

Late on, Palace wanted another penalty, when Wilfried Zaha went down in the box under a challenge from Miguel Britos. However, rather than point to the spot, Mark Clattenburg booked the winger for diving.

That incident would spark a bit of a palavar at the final whistle, when Zaha went to applaud the visiting fans.

Watford mascot Harry the Hornet saw his chance to have a cheeky pop at the Palace attacker and duly performed a mock dive which (rather bizarrely) incensed both Zaha and his manager Allardyce

When interviewed after the incident, Allardyce said:

The Premier League and FA can look at that and do what they want to do.

That’s up to Watford to sort that out really. It could have made the wrong reaction as we know. The mascot is out of order, isn’t he? If someone is diving, they don’t get that angry.

Welcome back Big Sam, we’ve (kind of) missed you!

Heart-Breaking Scenes As ‘Gladbach Captain Lars Stindl Snubs Handshake With Young Mascot (Video)

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Thousands of hearts were shattered in the lead-up to last night’s DFB Pokal game between Borussia Monchengladbach and Hamburg when a young mascot was left hanging for all to see.

Gladbach captain Lars Stindl was the guilty party, shaking hands with the match officials before cruelly snubbing the extended arm of one of the young player escorts stood between them.

Look at his little face! As if the hat wasn’t punishment enough.

Not wishing to go down as history’s greatest monster, Stindl apologised to the mascot after the match, insisting that he missed the handshake because he was “nervous”…

Just to top it off, the Gladbach skipper also promised to send the youngster a personalised shirt as a token of his remorse…

Nice save.

Real Madrid: Cristiano Ronaldo Scares Bejesus Out Of Mascot With Sudden And Unexpected Pre-Match Leap (Video)

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Real Madrid toiled to a 1-1 draw against cross-city chums Atletico on Saturday evening to narrowly bolster their lead at the top of La Liga.

However, the real action came before kick-off when Cristiano Ronaldo scared the living daylights out of his player mascot with a sudden and unexpected power leap…

As for the match itself, Pepe headed Real in front shortly after half-time before Antoine Griezmann slipped in behind to level the pegging with an 85th-minute equaliser…

How about that through-ball from Angel Correa, eh?

Sumptuous is the word.

Craptastic Non-League Mascot Of The Day: Runcorn’s Corny McCornface (Photo)

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It’s been a while since Pies paid tribute to a brilliantly naff mascot from the non-leagues, so we thought we’d revive the series with an absolute boomer.

Introducing the erstwhile symbol of Runcorn Linnets FC, Ron Corn – otherwise known colloquially as ‘Corny McCornface’…

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Photo: @CornyMcCornface/Twitter

Look at his little face. Outstanding, no?

In fact, Corny might actually give the Tonbridge Angel a run for his/her money in the ‘cobbled together from four metres of wire and an old duvet cover’ stakes.

Ron actually made a big announcement recently…

Linnets fans must be over the moon.

More Crap Mascots on Pies…

Elvis J. Eel & Sammy Shrimp (Southend United)
Chaddy The Owl (Oldham Athletic)
Hideous Blue Monstrosity (Washington Dips)
Pachus The Gopher (CF Pachuca)
Crazy’ Frog (Levante)
20 Utterly Craptacular Football Mascots

20 Craptastic MLS And NASL Mascots Of Yesteryear

Craptastic Mascot Of The Day: Roelio The Giant White Bollock, Pontevedra CF (Photos)

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The bulbous, clown-faced atrocity you see before you is Roelio, esrtwhile mascot for Spanish lower league side CF Pontevedra and the latest inductee into Pies’ Craptastic Mascot hall of fame.

Described by La Informacion as “cojonmórfico” – essentially an anthropomorphic bollock – Roelio is beloved by Pontevedra fans, who seem to find his Mr Blobby-esque appearance charming.

Indeed, one especially cruel Spanish newspaper actually declared Roelio to be “the ugliest mascot in sport” several years ago, which obviously hit the poor fella hard…

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Photo: ABC.es

We’re reliably informed that Roelio is actually supposed to be a bone, which stems from the fact that Pontevedra used to consider themselves a ‘bone’ – or bogey team – for the big boys, having once beaten Real Madrid 3-0 in the 1960s.

Here he is in an early incarnation…

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Certainly looks like two protruding testicles vying for position in a claret football shirt to us, but hey – what do we know about anything?

Step this way for tons more Crap Mascot madness.


Mistaken Identity: Liverpool Stalwart Jamie Carragher Fooled By Old Photo Of Himself Posing Alongside ‘Trent Alexander-Arnold’ In 2009

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Trent Alexander-Arnold’s star is on the rise at the moment, especially in the wake of the teenage full-back’s superb freekick goal against Hoffenheim earlier in the week.

Ex-Liverpool stalwart Jamie Carragher heralded his young successor’s efforts directly after the match, sharing on social media what he thought was a photo of the pair together back in 2009, when Alexander-Arnold was a mere 10-year-old slip of a lad.

The picture, which was originally circulated by Sky Sports when Alexander-Arnold first crept into the first-team frame last year, supposedly shows the youngster serving as Carragher’s matchday mascot before a League Cup tie against Leeds at Elland Road.

However, 19,000 retweets later and the Liverpool Echo have gone and debunked the image entirely.

Indeed, the newspaper have done a little digging and found that – surprise, surprise – the lad in the photo isn’t the same boy that tucked a curling effort inside Hoffenheim’s post on Tuesday evening.

The boy acting as Carra’s player escort is in fact 19-year-old Reds fan Dion Simpson, who has no earthly idea why Sky Sports and the internet at large keep attempting to pass him off as Alexander-Arnold.

I was a mascot back in 2009 against Leeds away, which is my hometown.

And then last year Sky put some footage out on Sky Sports News which they thought was Trent, just before the recent EFL Cup game against Leeds last year.

Then it went viral all last year – and now Carra has brought it back up again!

The big Twitter accounts and newspaper accounts were posting it around on Facebook and Twitter, and it just kept going on for months.

It’s only just died down, but now it’s gone even worse because Carra has posted the picture.

Turns out Alexander-Arnold himself is also fairly bamboozled by the whole escapade, with Carragher revealing the following text exchange that appears to have leaked directly out of the Liverpool dressing room…

The jig is up Carra. Time to turn yourself in at your local constabulary.

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A-League: Central Coast Mariners’ Barbecue Sauce Mascot Given Official Warning After Middle Finger Salute To Opposing Fans (Video)

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Troublemaker: Beware the rogue MasterFoods barbecue sauce mascot (Photo: Mars Food Australia)

One of Central Coast Mariners’ phalanx of mascots has been given an official warning by the A-League after becoming embroiled in a minor spat with Newcastle Jets fans during the meeting between the two sides on 7th October.

The Mariners fell to a hefty 5-1 home defeat, with Jets fans filmed giving the hosts’ ever-present MasterFoods mascots, a bottle of tomato ketchup and a bottle of barbecue sauce, a rousing rendition of “Who are ya?” from the terraces.

While ketchup played along, barbecue was less receptive, instead presenting the travelling fans with a stoic middle finger salute…

MasterFoods have since confirmed that the barbecue bottle has been administered with a formal “yellow card” warning, but will be allowed to return to pitchside for Mariners’ next game against Melbourne Victory on 29th October.

In a statement issued to the Central Coast Express Advocate, MasterFoods said:

The MasterFoods barbecue sauce bottle mascot has been given a yellow card after its response to Newcastle Jets fans,” MasterFoods said in a written statement to the Express Advocate.

While the sauce bottle mascots are synonymous with A-League games hosted on the Central Coast, the behaviour of the barbecue sauce bottle is not reflective of the family friendly MasterFoods way.

You’ll see the sauce bottle mascots in finer form at the next home game.

Following his yellow card, barbecue knows that another one might mean some time on the bench and a promotion for mustard to the starting line-up with tomato.

Quite right. This kind of aggro needs stamping out at source/sauce.

Sorry.

J League: Cerezo Osaka Match Begins With Monkey In Football Kit Politely Handing Ball Over To Referee (Video)

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Photo: J League

You can always trust the J League to deliver when it comes to unfettered weirdness on a football pitch, and Sunday’s crunch tie between Cerezo Osaka and Vissel Kobe was no exception.

The match itself was nothing out of the ordinary, with Osaka registering a straightforward 3-1 victory over Lukas Podolski’s lot.

However, the pre-match pageantry was more than a little odd, involving as it did a fully-kitted macaque monkey politely delivering the match ball to the referee…

Why is nobody in the video the least bit phased by this? Is the monkey mascot a regular fixture at Cerezo Osaka matches?

We have many questions, but sadly oh so few answers.

Sky Sport Germany’s Bleak Advert Is Proof That English Football Should Never Adopt Bundesliga-Style Winter Break (Video)

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They’re supposed to be fonts of boundless energy with their oversized grins and wobbly foam shoes, but it would appear that even football mascots go through seasonal lulls.

Indeed, this (genuinely quite moving) short from Sky Sports Germany examines the effect that the Bundesliga’s annual winter break has on each team’s mascot.

That must surely rank as the most convincing argument for English football not adopting a similar winter sabbatical ever proffered.

Borussia Monchengladbach’s mascot Junter the foal talking Cologne’s Hennes the goat for a walk was a nice, cockle-warming touch – but still, bleak.

Stitched Up: Mischievous Brentford Fans Pay To Make Their 40-Year-Old Mate A Mascot At Griffin Park As Part Of His Stag Do (Photos & Video)

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A group of Brentford fans paid to allow their friend VIP access to the Bees’ Championship tie against Bolton on Saturday as part of his stag do surprise.

Unfortunately for him, the mischievous ragamuffins cobbled together £130 to book their buddy a Junior Matchday Experience at Griffin Park, which would see him take to the pitch as an official player mascot, aged 40.

Photo: @Josh_Ackland_/Twitter (via @FootballAwayDays)

As such, the Brentford player escort was made to wander around the pitch, sheepishly mingling with his much younger cohorts before kick-off.

Here’s the moment he emerged from the tunnel and out onto the pitch to take his place for the pre-match line-up…

Just to top it all off, it later emerged that the poor chap doesn’t even support Brentford either. In fact, he’s a Wolves fan.

Commendable work.

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